Busting the Myth of Perfect Relationships: Embracing the Messy and Unique Nature of Love

In the world of love, relationships, and dating, there are many myths and misconceptions surrounding what a healthy relationship should look like, especially when it comes to new relationships. Many people believe that new relationships should be easy, conflict-free, and that partners should spend all their time together. However, this belief is far from the truth.

In this article, I will bust the myth of how healthy relationships are supposed to look and how new relationships are meant to be. We will explore why this myth is harmful and provide you with a new perspective on relationships. My purpose is to challenge the common beliefs about healthy relationships and new relationships and help you embrace your unique version of a healthy relationship.

The relevance of this topic cannot be overstated. Relationships are an essential aspect of our lives, and they play a significant role in our overall well-being. However, the pressure to conform to societal expectations about how relationships should look can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety, leading to relationship problems and even breakups.

By challenging these common beliefs, I hope to empower you to create a relationship that works for you and your partner, regardless of how it may look to others. So, let's dive in and explore the truth about healthy relationships and new relationships in particular.

When it comes to new relationships, there is a common expectation that everything should be perfect. There should be no conflicts, and partners should spend all their time together. This myth is perpetuated by movies, books, and even social media, where we see seemingly perfect couples living their best lives together. However, the reality is quite different.

Relationships are messy and complex. They involve two people with their own traumas, triggers, and history. As much as we try to avoid conflicts, they are bound to happen at some point. Furthermore, triggers don't come when it's convenient. They may arise unexpectedly, triggered by past experiences and childhood trauma.

Conflicts are uncomfortable, but they’re also inevitable. It gives you the opportunity to better understand your own needs and to learn more about the inner workings of other people’s needs. When we avoid conflicts, we avoid opening ourselves to deeper levels of safety and intimacy. You contribute to the lack of safety in your relationships when you consistently avoid conflict.

It's essential to understand that no two relationships are the same. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to relationships. Every relationship has its unique flavor, and what works for one couple may not work for another. We get to decide what our version of a healthy relationship looks like.

As a relationship coach, I have seen many couples struggle to meet the expectations set by society when it comes to new relationships. They feel pressured to be perfect and may question their relationship when conflicts arise or when they need some alone time. This pressure can lead to unnecessary stress and even breakups.

I can relate to this myself. Recently, I was asked why I keep going to Austin and don't I feel attracted to Larry. Even though my husband and I have been married for three years, some people still consider us newlyweds. I do miss him when I'm away but I also enjoy my alone time to connect with myself and reset. I understand that spending extended periods of time away from each other is not a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Also, as I have been exploring Human Design for the last couple of years, I have come to realize that my Single Definition design requires me to have time alone with myself. As a result, I give myself permission to live my life per my design. It's not uncommon for me to spend extended periods of time away from my husband, but this does not mean I love him any less or that our relationship is not healthy. It's just a part of who I am and how I operate.

In fact, my relationship with my husband defies the myth of new relationships. We understand that we need time alone to recharge and that conflicts will arise from time to time. We are committed to healing our past traumas and growing and evolving as individuals and as a couple. We know that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but we are committed to creating a healthy relationship that works for us.

Also we both have kids from previous marriages and our kids needs sometimes takes precedence over the needs of our relationship and that’s perfectly normal, and I was called to spend a lot of time away from home the beginning of this year to support my kids with some challenging situations in their life. So being away to support them doesn’t take away from my relationship with my husband and it doesn’t mean that I’m not attracted to him or don’t want to be around him.

Another thing to note is that what’s normal for a relationship will change depending on which season of your life you’re currently in. I’m in the creative season of my life at the moment. I just published a workbook and now I am working on my memoir. The creative season of my life requires me to go inward and spend time in places that help me get into flow states, which means spending extended periods of time in environments that inspire me, spending time away from my home setting where it’s more likely to get pulled into everyday chores and away from creative states. My husband won’t be able to accompany me every time and also I would like to spend time in solitude to get my creativity flowing so that doesn’t in any way mean that there’s something wrong with our relationship. So the season of your life you’re in may pull you away from your relationship with your partner temporarily and that’s in no way wrong.

This is what our healthy relationship looks like:

✨We are attentive to each other's needs and desires. 

✨Our relationship gives us the freedom to be who we are. 

✨There’s safety and security in our relationship. We feel safe to share our fears and our feelings without being judged.

✨Open, honest, and calm communication.

✨We are conscious of each other’s inner world, and we are constantly updating our love map, finding out what’s important for each of us in our present season of life.

✨There’s fun, play, adventure, goofiness, and there are also conflicts and tons of uncomfortable conversations.

✨We hold space for each other to grow and heal.

✨At any given point, we know how each of us is feeling and are not caught off guard.

In conclusion, this myth of new relationships is harmful and puts unnecessary pressure on couples. It's essential to understand that relationships are messy and complex, and every relationship is unique. You get to decide what your version of a healthy relationship looks like, and as long as you are committed to growing and evolving as individuals and as a couple, there's nothing wrong with your relationship, whether you have been together for six months, thirty years, or just dating. Give yourself and your relationship the permission to be unique and create your own version of a healthy relationship.