Expectations in Relationships: How Letting Go Leads to Love
In any relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial, expectations are bound to arise. These expectations may come from our own desires and needs or from external pressures such as societal norms or family expectations. While it is natural to have expectations, they can often lead to suffering and hinder our ability to experience love.
Expectations create a sense of attachment and control over how a relationship should look and how the other person should behave. When these expectations are not met, we may feel disappointed, frustrated, or even angry. This can lead to conflicts, misunderstandings, and ultimately, a breakdown in the relationship.
I know this all too well from my own personal experience in a relationship with someone close to my husband.We had a rocky relationship for a few years because of a simple request I had made for her to get tested for COVID-19 after coming in contact with someone who had the virus. Even though I had accepted and loved her as my own, my simple request was not well received, and it left me feeling disrespected and unheard.
Over time, her sensitivity to anything I said, even when I was being playful, led to fractures in our relationship. I felt like I wasn't being respected, and her presence in our lives started to weigh heavily on me. It even began to affect my relationship with my husband, as I struggled with feeling disrespected and unheard.
I realized that I was giving too much importance and power to her to influence my life. I sat with the question: "Why does it matter if she respects me or not? Why the need for significance from someone who is not a part of my everyday life? Yes, she's important to my husband but she's just a human with her own wounding trying to figure out life. Can I give up the control of our relationship looking a certain way?"
That's when I released a prayer to the universe. I asked for the courage and confidence to become detached from people and situations that I have no control over, and that which is not coming through for me. I realized that I had given this girl too much power over my life and how I feel. I needed to release her and let go of the need for our relationship to look a certain way. I was ready to experience detachment and experience freedom and joy within myself and relieve myself from the suffering and pain that attachment was bringing to me.
The problem with expectations is that they are often unrealistic and not based on the reality of the situation. They may be based on past experiences, fantasies, or a need for significance, validation or security. When we cling to these expectations, we limit our ability to see and appreciate the other person for who they are and the relationship for what it is.
In order to experience love in its purest form, we must learn to let go of these expectations and detach ourselves from the outcome. This does not mean that we should settle for less or tolerate unacceptable behavior, but rather that we should approach relationships with an open mind and heart, accepting the other person for who they are.
Detachment requires giving up control over how we want the relationship to look and allowing it to unfold naturally. It means accepting that the other person has their own desires, needs, and limitations, and that the relationship may not always meet our own expectations.
By detaching ourselves from expectations, we open ourselves up to a deeper level of love and connection. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to accept the other person for who they are, and to appreciate the relationship for what it is. This creates a sense of freedom and authenticity in the relationship, and allows us to experience love in a more meaningful way. Or in certain situations releasing that relationship with love, knowing that not every relationship is meant to be forever.
Detachment is often wrongly associated with not loving someone, but that's not true. You can love someone without the pain that attachment brings. Attachment creates control and expectation, and we can't control how other people behave and show up for us. It is important to remember that we are not alone in our journey; we have help available to us. God, the Universe, spirit, our guides are waiting to help us, we just need to ask them for help.
After releasing my prayer to the Universe, I felt a sense of peace wash over me and the heaviness in me evaporated. I no longer feel the need to have a conversation about the events that led this person and my relationship to where it is today. I’m allowing myself to accept the relationship for what it is without making it mean anything about me and just letting it unfold.
Letting go of our expectations and attachments can be a difficult process, but it's a necessary one for our own growth and happiness. By relinquishing control and finding detachment, we can experience love and joy without the pain and suffering that attachment can bring. And in my case, by releasing my attachment to this person and letting go of the need for our relationship to look a certain way, I was able to experience freedom and joy within myself and relieve myself from the suffering and pain that attachment was bringing to me.
Here are some things that can help you in letting go and bring the power back to you in relationships:
Spend time with yourself and go inward. Connect with your inner self and identify why you're giving away your power to other people.
Meditate. Meditation can help you release negative thoughts and emotions, bringing you peace and clarity.
Reflect on what unmet need are you expecting other people in your life to fulfill?
Can you give to yourself what you're expecting other people to give you? Then, without expectation, see how the relationships unfold.
